50 Facts About Albert Pujols

1. Albert Pujols can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.... at night.
2. Albert Pujols can slam a revolving door.
3. "The World's Strongest Man Competition" has been renamed "The Albert Pujols Workout Hour."
4. During the running of the bulls, the people run away from the bulls. A little known fact is that the bulls are running from Albert Pujols.
5. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Albert Pujols out. It failed miserably.
6. When Albert Pujols sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Albert Pujols has not had to pay taxes, ever.
7. Albert Pujols can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
8. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Albert Pujols allows to live.
9. Albert Pujols can make 30 minute brownies in 17 minutes.
10. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Albert Pujols.
11. There is a saying that claims, "You can’t squeeze blood from a turnip." That is true, you can't. Unless of course you’re Albert Pujols.
12. Albert Pujols can teach old dogs new tricks.
13. When you go to see a game Albert Pujols is playing in, you have to buy 2 sets of tickets; one for the baseball game and another for the gun show.
14. There is no other intelligent life in the universe because intelligent life knows that would be far too close to Albert Pujols.
15. Albert Pujols will never test positive for steroids. Steroids test positive for Albert Pujols.
16. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Albert Pujols. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
17. It takes Albert Pujols 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
18. Albert Pujols counted to infinity....twice.
    
19. When Albert Pujols pushes the snooze button on his alarm clock, the sun actually stays down for another ten minutes.
20. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Albert Pujols.
21. Google won't search for Albert Pujols because it knows you don't find Albert Pujols, he finds you.
22. Albert Pujols can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
23. Albert Pujols destroyed the periodic table, because Albert Pujols only recognizes the element of surprise.
24. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Albert Pujols a giant meteor.
25. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Albert Pujols.
26. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs. Albert Pujols. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
27. The average pitcher can throw a baseball about 90 mph…Albert Pujols can throw the average pitcher 90 mph.
28. Albert Pujols was originally cast in the hit show 24, but had to be let go because he averaged saving the world in a mere 12 minutes and 47 seconds.
29. If you spell Albert Pujols wrong on Google it doesn't say "Did you mean Albert Pujols?" It simply replies "Run while you still have the chance."
30. Albert Pujols doesn’t play hide and seek; he plays HIDE AND PRAY HE DOESN”T FIND YOU!!!!
31. They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Albert Pujols killed the cat. Every single one of them.
32. Albert Pujols was bitten by a rattlesnake once. After five days of intense pain and suffering…the snake died.
33. Albert Pujols doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
34. Pujols once hit a home run on a hit by pitch.
35. Pujols is his own batting practice pitcher.
36. Pujols can play all three outfield positions. At the same time.
37. He did all the special effects in Transformers.
38. Pujols once hit a ground rule double on a ground ball hit to the shortstop.
39. When Albert Pujols does push-ups, he’s not pushing himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
40. Pujols does 500 push ups in between each inning. Then he works out a little bit.
41. It’s been shown that Albert Pujols doesn’t ever actually hit a baseball. The ball flies away in fear before his bat makes contact.
42. Albert Pujols can rip the NYC phone book in half. With one hand.
43. Someone once told Albert Pujols that if he shaved his legs, he’d be able to run faster. St. Louis is still experiencing a shortage of razors, and Albert Pujols still has hair on his legs.
44. Albert Pujols is currently under the impression that "Major League Baseball" is actually a slow-pitch softball league for his church.
45. Some kids wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears #5 Albert Pujols pajamas.
46. The Sherman tank was originally called the Pujols tank until Albert Pujols decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Albert Pujols, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been awesome enough to be named after Albert Pujols.
47. The original plans for the atomic bomb were inspired by watching Albert Pujols taking batting practice.
    
48. It is widely believed that Albert Pujols' tears cure cancer. This cannot be confirmed because Pujols has never cried.
49. Albert Pujols is the reason Waldo is hiding.
50. Faster than a speeding bullet? More powerful than a locomotive? Leaping tall buildings with a single bound? That is a description of Albert's warmup routine.
    

How are you doing?

Good? Me too. Do you know why?

Because baseball has officially started its season, and next week contains the first full schedule of games. I am pumped.

One question: Does a person have a problem if they wake up at 6 am to watch a baseball game being televised in Japan even though he doesn't have any rooting interest for either team?

I'm asking for a friend.

18-1*

Wow. Awesome game. Speechless still. I am just happy this Patriots team will be remembered for a massive choke job for the rest of my life instead of being called the best team of all time.

This is a good day if you are a Colts fan and it really sets up the Manning Bowl at some point in the next two seasons.

Talk to you guys again in just a bit.

Superbowl Picks

Alright, its time for everyone to get their Superbowl picks in. Comment if you want, and the closest score will get a wonderful prize......details to come.

Here's how I see it. The Patriots are the best team that has come around in a long time, I assume the reason for this is their prolific video taping schemes and the hidden steroid ring they run. Regardless of that, the Patriots are very difficult to beat in big games, and they are 14-2 in the Tom Brady era in the playoffs. These guys rarely choke. Must be nice to watch.

The Patriots adjust better than anyone in the league to in-game situations, and I don't really expect this game to resemble the Week 17 game because of that. The Pats won't blow the Giants out, but the Giants won't really be in the game either.

Final score: Patriots over Giants 30-23, and the commercials will be excellent. Ground opens under the trophy presentation (fingers crossed!)

I told you so...

The Patriots just punched their ticket to the AFC Championship, beating the Jags 31-20. That officially means that tomorrow will be the final game for the RCA Dome. Brady was impressive, Maroney was impressive, the O-line was impressive, and honestly, the Jags didn't play poorly...they just aren't nearly as good as the Pats.

Now we have to keep our end of the bargain to set up the apocalyptic AFC title game in Foxboro. We can beat these guys, we just have to take care of business tomorrow first.

The Playoffs are Here!!

This is an exciting time in Indianapolis as yet another Colts playoff season begins. The Colts are coming off their 2006 Superbowl victory as one of the few teams that actually improved their record following a title. The Colts 13-3 record earned them a first round bye and now a shot at revenge against one of the teams that beat them in the regular season.

The Chargers beat us by two points, despite our team playing the team without Marvin Harrison, Dallas Clark, Anthony Gonzalez, Tony Ugoh, and losing Dwight Freeney during the game. The Colts also gave up TWO returns for TDs, Peyton threw SIX INTs, AND Adam Vinateri missed a 29 yd FG at the end of the game.

That's right, those are the breaks the Chargers got in order to beat us by only two at their home stadium. I think we can handle them at home. Let the Colts AFC revenge tour begin! By the way, this will probably be the RCA Dome's last game, so I think everyone will want to send the old gal out on a good note.

My prediciton: Colts 38 Chargers 16

---> And by the way, I just don't think the Jags have what it takes to beat the Patriots...they lose to us twice, but everyone thinks they will beat the Pats? I don't think so. The Patriots thrashing of the Jags should set up a rematch in the AFC Championship next week in Foxboro between the Colts and Pats.