Giving it All

It can be easy to think that your participation isn't significant. Every one of us can be trapped from time to time by feelings of inferiority when we compare our abilities or resources to others. Our call to be generous is no different; we can feel hesitant to participate in this effort because of our own perceived insignificance.

Interestingly, Jesus isn't impressed by the amount that anyone gives. He is impressed by giving inspired by sacrificial love. A story in Luke 21:1-4 illustrates this beautifully. Jesus is at the temple and watches some very rich worshippers make their offerings, followed by a widow who is only able to give 2 tiny copper coins; equivalent to less than a penny. Jesus is so proud of this woman that he makes her an eternal example of what the spirit of generosity looks like:

"I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on." Luke 21:3-4

Jesus makes it clear that it isn't WHAT you give, it is HOW you give. Jesus is interested in our hearts. This woman showed her heart belonged to her Heavenly Father by faithfully giving all she had. So what is God calling you to give? If you know God is calling you to give up something and you can't obey, then you no longer own that object. It owns you! So many people end up letting their possessions posses them. Don't fall into that trap. Recognize that everything you have comes from God and then faithfully release everything into his hands to use as he sees fit.

Be generous this week, and make generosity a part of your character.

You Can't Walk on Water with Your Feet in the Boat

It is hard to break a reputation once you have earned it. One of the great examples of this in the scriptures is in the life of Peter, probably the most well known of the 12 disciples. Throughout the ministry of Jesus, Peter is the guy who is the first to act and the first to speak in many pivotal points. Sometimes this leads to him saying some pretty profound words. After all, Peter proclaimed Jesus as the Messiah, the chosen one of God, before any other disciple. There are many touching moments when the tender heart of Peter is revealed in various situations.

However, Peter is a bit more known for his other side. He is the guy that runs his mouth first, usually saying something foolish. He makes promises he cannot keep, most notably his promise to never betray Jesus; just hours after that promise Peter managed to deny Jesus three times. Peter is also the guy who rushes into action without thinking things through; he is the man who cut off a person's ear when soldiers came to arrest Jesus. I get the feeling that would have been a bigger deal if Jesus didn't step in and heal the poor guy by reattaching the ear. He gets labeled as a coward for abandoning Jesus the night before the crucifixion, like all but one of the disciples.

Another time Peter seems to fail is in Matthew 14. One of the most famous scenes in the Bible takes place here when Jesus walks on water through rough seas to reach the boat his followers were on. Peter sees that the figure moving toward them was Jesus, and he asks Jesus to call him out onto the water. Jesus does, and Peter gets out of the boat and begins heading to him. The high seas become too much for Peter, and he begins to sink until Jesus rescues him. Peter is rebuked for his lack of faith, and all the disciples are amazed at what they saw. This event gets written down as yet another time when Peter failed to rise to the occasion.

Call me crazy, but I think Peter deserves some credit here. As people, we tend to focus on the failures of others and overlook their success. As far as I know, there have only been two people that walked on water. One of them was the Son of God. The other one was Peter. Isn't that pretty incredible? How many of us are on a list that short and in such good company? The other disciples all had the same opportunity Peter had; yet none of them were willing to risk that first step. How much courage did it take to leave the safety of your boat and set foot on those waves?

I think there is a lesson here for all of us. If you want to achieve something incredible in your life, you have to get out of the boat. I can promise you that the path God has created for you will not be found in the safe place you are accustomed to; it will be found in the swirling danger far from your comfort. If you allow your fear to lock you in place, the most you can ever be is an observer. Don't just be a spectator in life, participate! Take a risk, and step out of the boat and into the waters of faith.

The Art of Living

Life is art. The most beautiful canvas that has ever been used are the lives of people. The way we live is the artwork we are creating, our choices are the medium used to form this art.

The choices we make form qualities in our life that can make a beautiful picture or a marred image. Nobody's art is perfect; our mistakes and shortcomings serve to distort the picture. No matter what imperfections are a part of your painting, know that Jesus came to cleanse the impurities and give us all a clean slate. We can learn to create a true masterpiece by incorporating qualities in our life that are noble and honorable.

Join us this Sunday as we learn together how to master the art of living by living a life of courage.

Stepping into the River

There is a constant battle raging in our world today. Some may think this battle is only between good and evil, but I am not certain that is the case. The primary battle in the world is between fear and faith. If you think about your life, most of the decisions you make aren't between a horrific sin and a truly good act. If you are like me, your decisions are between what you know and what is uncertain, between what is comfortable and safe and what is outside your comfort zone and may cost you something.

The people of Israel faced a similar choice in Joshua 3 when they reached the bank of the Jordan River. The edge of that river represented the beginning of a new era in the history of Israel; it was the boundary of the land that God promised them many years ago. They had been here forty years before and had let their fear of the monstrous people within the land keep them from pursuing God's purpose for their nation. Now a new generation of Israelites had an opportunity to follow God boldly into the land and take possession of what they had been promised.

The problem was the river itself. It wasn't the typical calm, gentle current the Jordan usually followed; this was a raging river during the flood season. God provided a way across this river; he told the priests of Israel to take the ark of the covenant and walk right into the river. God promised that if they trusted him, he would make a way for the entire nation to cross the Jordan River safely.

Now the people of Israel had a choice to make. They could play it safe and stay on the other side of the Jordan, or they could take a step of courage and faith into the raging waters of the river. I think we all have similar decisions to make in our lives. We can play it safe on the edge of the river where life is calm and secure, or we can risk it all by stepping into the chaos of our world. The willingness to risk security and comfort is a must if you want to experience the best God has to offer you. God's best never comes easily! All too often we choose the easy path because of our fears.

Know this: whenever you play it safe you reinforce your fears! We spend so much time talking and arguing with ourselves and others about the proper path in life that we forget to actually do anything. Don't debate it. DO IT! Reject the natural impulse to always play it safe and instead choose to get your feet wet!

Learning to Let Go

Resentment can be a powerful enemy in your life. It is so easy to hold grudges and allow hurt to fester in your soul. The words and actions of other people have a far greater impact on our lives than we are willing to admit. It can be strangely satisfying to hold onto your anger or hurt toward another person instead of simply letting go of those emotions. It is almost like we believe that the way we feel inside can actually strike back at those who have hurt us.

Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple. Job 5:2 (NIV)

In reality, the opposite is true. Resentment kills! I have found that the person that can make me angry controls me. The same is true in your life. The only way to find peace is through forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't condone the behavior, or mean that you pretend that what happened to you was ok. It does mean that you are forfeit your right to be angry at others. Your forgiveness releases those that have hurt you from condemnation; and it releases your soul from damaging hurt. If you don't release the people that have hurt you, you will begin to resemble them.

Practice forgiveness this week. After all, Jesus has forgiven you!

Mastering the Mind

It can be very difficult to master our thoughts. There is very little accountability for what takes place in our brain, at least not until someone invents "thought billboards" conveniently showing our daydreams to the world. Certainly we would be more cautious about what passed through our minds if it was broadcast so clearly to the world!

Fortunately, that hasn't happened yet, and hopefully it never will. However, we are still given the responsibility to govern our thoughts and align them with God's principles. Fortunately, Paul gives us some insight into what God expects in our minds.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

God wants your thoughts to be focused on things that are true, right, and decent. Your mind isn't to be used as the storehouse for all of the hateful things you wish you could say but don't, nor is it to be used to conspire against others or to drool over the attractive person close to you. (Unless its your spouse....then by all means drool away!)

No, our thoughts are to be positive and pleasing to God. We shouldn't think about all of the negative potential of people and situations; that isn't helpful and it pollutes our minds. Instead of filling your mind with thoughts that are negative and unproductive, fill your mind with the goodness that comes from God. Pay careful attention the things you read, listen to, and watch on TV. These probably have a bigger impact on your thoughts than you realize.

Let your thoughts reflect the transformation in your heart and mind that only comes from God.

But God has given us his Spirit. That's why we don't think the same way that the people of this world think. 1 Corinthians 2:12

Your Identity Unlocks Freedom

Have you ever been discouraged when following God? Sometimes it can seem impossible to stay on the right path consistently. Life is too good at throwing obstacles in our path that bog us down and keep us from becoming the person we want to be.

God understands our struggle and he realizes how inconsistent we can be. Instead of simply condemning us and leaving us to fend for ourselves, he made a way for all of us to be given a new identity. Jesus lived so we can be fully alive in God. Too often we forget this identity and slide back into the old habits that defined our old selves.

That old identity is gone forever, replaced by the newness of God through Jesus. Don't live your life trying to earn what God offers to you freely. The secret is in simply accepting what Jesus did in your heart already. The more you realize who you are in Jesus, the more you will desire to act like one of his brothers or sisters. It won't be something you have to earn, it becomes an expression and realization of who you already are.

This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time, declares the Lord. I will put my laws in their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people.

One day God is going to write his law on our hearts and minds. Following him will just be.....natural. The way it was intended to be. Until then, we continue living our lives the best we can, making the most of the days we have been given, celebrating our identity. Never forget who you are. Don't let anyone tell you that you are less than what God describes you as being.

Live in freedom. Live for him.

Pastor Zac

If you can dream it, you can do it

That is the saying right?  I can't help but think this saying is wrong.  I mean, I have plenty of dreams that are outside my ability to do.

How about you?

Honestly, if you can achieve ALL of your dream, then you don't have a big enough imagination!

I think the opposite of that statement is truer.  It may be more negative, but it's also more profound.....if you don't dream it, then you won't do it.

Not everyone gets to be a star.  We don't all grow up to be President, even if you were told that you could be.  (This next election will be for the 44th US President....that's a VERY exclusive club!)  Just looking around will reveal to us that we all don't get a high profile.

But everyone has a part to play in making the world a bit better.  Everyday, thousands, millions, of people contribute in small ways that add up to a big difference.  Their dreams make the world better.  Are you dreaming?

If not, you won't see your world change.

Dare to dream.  And live Wide Awake.

Our Part and God's Part

We love to shift responsibility.  In fact, this is one of the key characteristics of our culture:  we want and desire to have authority shifted in our direction, but we don't want the responsibility that comes from having that authority.

We can even see this in our lives of faith.

We all trend toward a life of apathy or inaction.  What's worse is when we use biblical words to support unbiblical ideas.

Have you ever heard it from a friend who believes in God when asked about their role in the world?  "Oh, I'm not going to participate.  I'm just going to hope in the Lord!"  Have you ever said it?

How have we arrived at the place when our faith is used as an excuse for our inactivity?  Is there anything in us that knows faith, hope, and love are all activist ideals?  One cannot practice these principles and be dormant.  A life of faith is not static, it is active!  Hope isn't passive, it is passionate and bold!  Love certainly doesn't rest, it aggressively pursues.

Make no mistake about it:  God always does his part.  He always follows through and always comes through.

So if our lives are falling short of the dreams of our hearts, is it possible we need to play our part in the story?  Is there something we can all do to be a part of this narrative, the story of humanity?

Maybe we need to do our part.  Maybe God is waiting for us, drawing us, inviting us to be a part of the good in this world.

Will we have the courage to join?

Wide Awake

The average American sleeps 6.9 hours a night. Our average life expectancy is about 77 years. This means the typical American sleeps 48 hours a week, 105 days per year, and 22 years over the average lifetime. That's almost 30% of our lives! Most scientists that study sleep believe most people have several dreams every night and we simply forget the vast majority of them. Simply put, we sleep our lives away.

That sleep is necessary for our bodies to continue functioning at a high level. However, many people find themselves trapped by a completely different type of slumber. It is the slumber of daily life, the monotony of a daily routine, the acceptance of the status quo. This slumber begins when our nightly rest ends, and it too is full of dreams. Our lives are filled with dreams, current dreams that strangely keep us awake, and bitter memories of dreams that have gone unfulfilled. Our nightly sleep is full of dreams that we forget while our daily slumber is full of dreams that we cannot escape.

Our dreams, in a way, define who we are. We are shaped by our dreams because they reveal our deepest passions and desires. They also reveal what can wound us in the deepest way. Our dreams haunt us in ways only we can know. There is no joy like living in a moment when a dream becomes reality, and there is no greater pain when a dream we have dies.

Perhaps you have let the pain of your unfulfilled dreams stop you from dreaming at all. Maybe your life resembles a restless night, tossing and turning, seeking some resolution and peace. I want you to realize the incredible dreams God has for your life. They are bigger and grander than anything you can imagine! I truly believe there is something heroic inside every single one of us that is waiting to be discovered........explored...........ignited.

It's time to recapture our God given dreams. It is time to rise up from the slumber of everyday life. It's time to wake up to what God is doing in our lives, in our families, in our community, in our world.....its time to live Wide Awake!

When your dreams reflect the dreams of God, every day becomes extraordinary. Let's journey together and see what God is dreaming for us all.

Make sure you are there for our 8 year anniversary service! Please consider this your invitation to attend! Invite a friend to be a part of this service, you won't regret it! Remember that the dreams God has for humanity are not just for us, they are for all people. Make sure you include all of those who are around you.

Why do what you do?

Have you ever taken the time to examine in your life why you do the things you do?  Things like work, relationships, education, spirituality...why do you engage (or not engage) in certain things?

I have been thinking about this a lot from the perspective of our community of faith at Higher Calling.  If I am not careful, it is far too easy for me to become apathetic.....maybe you are the same.  In these times it is important to me to know WHY I do what I do, it gives me motivation, passion, and purpose to know the WHY of my life.

I have decided I do the things I do because I genuinely love God.  I am confused by Him, I rarely understand the path He chooses for me and for others, but I trust Him and love Him.  The only reason I can continue doing what I am doing is because of His power working in me, and I will always be grateful for the many blessings He has given me.  I do what I do because of what He has already done for me.

I also sincerely love people.  Not just love people, either, I actually like them (I just lost some of you!).  I like meeting people and getting to know them.  I like being a part of people's stories, and I like being with people as their journeys are shaped.  I like sharing with the highs and the lows

More than anything, I like introducing people to God.  I'll tell you what's the most incredible thing of all:  when I meet people again after they have met God.  It's like meeting a completely new person.  I love that.

And its why I do what I do.

Let's try this again

Did you miss me?  I am going to be writing on here again after a three month hiatus.

The last blog experiment went pretty well, but I think writing too much burnt me out a little bit. Its hard to come up with a new entry everyday!  If you like reading, you can help out by sending in questions or topics for me to handle so I don't have to think of them.  I want to post 2-3 times a week, on good weeks you may get even more.  We will see how I feel.

Let the journey begin.....again.  Higher Calling Online Journal v. 3.0 starts......now.

(If anyone is reading this, even if you know me from church, leave a comment or something.)

Fuel For The Week

I hope everyone is having a great week!  I have some news to share with you about upcoming events at Higher Calling and some encouragement to send your way as well.

Next Sunday is August 3rd, and it will mark the two year anniversary of Pastor Don's death.  Many of you knew Pastor Don, and many of you didn't, but all of you have been affected by his story because of your presence at Higher Calling.  Most of you know that Pastor Don was my dad, and obviously that day will be difficult for me and my family and for so many of you who knew my dad as a friend and as your pastor.  On any emotional day, we all must choose how to respond to the stress of the day.  My dad had to make those choices in how to respond to life with cancer, and he chose to believe God even when circumstances were difficult.

That is why we are putting together a special service on August 3rd.  Instead of choosing to withdraw and reflect, our church will be reaching out to people who need to hear that God can do something amazing in their life.  God still changes lives; we are all proof of that, and we want to see him change more lives on August 3rd.  Many of you have expressed a desire to share the story of the church to friends or family members; this service will be the perfect opportunity to do just that!  I am asking that you do all you can personally to get as many people as possible into our Worship Center so many can be touched by this message.

Don't sit this one out!  We are putting together an inspirational and reflective service that will touch the hearts of everyone involved.  If you know some people who don't usually go to church and may only go once a year, make sure they are at this service because God is going to move in a powerful way.

If there is one thing that I learned from my dad, it is this:  always trust God.  That is why I believe August 3rd will be an incredible time as we reflect on the story of our church and our incredible vision for the future.  Let's all believe God for something even more than we can imagine.  Pray that the lives of people close to you at this service will be changed forever because of what is shared.  

We are all in this together, and I am glad to be on the journey with all of you.

The Life Worth Dying For, Part 2

What does a life that follows the will of God look like? The book of Hebrews tells us that it is impossible to please God without faith (11:6), so a life lived in the will of God must be a life of faith. Building on that great passage from Hebrews is the entire 11th chapter, sometimes known as the "hall of faith" because of its descriptions of many great lives of faith.

We have many of the usual suspects, guys like Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, and even "lesser" characters like Rahab, stories that are rich in faith.  The writer of Hebrews describes all of these men and women like this:

Hebrews 11:33-35 (NIV)  

who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies.  Women received back their dead, raised to life again. 

Isn't that what faith is all about?  When we think about the work of God in the world and in the Bible, these are the stories that get told and retold.  When faith acts then death is defeated, people escape from danger, the fire is extinguished, the battle is won.

I wish this story was the only story of faith, but it isn't.  I don't ever want you to think that these things don't still happen because I believe they still do, but I also believe God works in areas that are often less spectacular and are therefore overlooked.

Hebrews 11:35-40 (NIV)  

Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection.  Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison.  They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated--the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.  These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.  God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. 

Now this doesn't match our traditional images of faith does it?  This sounds......awful.  Torture, death, poverty, insults, jeering are all mentioned for these people who lived commendable lives of faith.  I find it interesting that we don't get the names of these heroes of faith.  Why do you think that is?

Call me crazy, but I think it is because there are many more of the faith giants represented in the second passage than in the first.  Despite what we might think, the stories in the Bible are not everyday events...it is not normal for David to defeat Goliath, that is what makes it extraordinary.  Usually, diseases run their course, the dead remain dead, the obstacle remains unmoved, and we are then forced to live with the consequences of those events.  Does that mean God is absent?  Of course not, but it certainly means we need to adjust what we sometimes think living by faith is all about.

It isn't about taking the easiest path.  God may be calling you to be one of the unnamed in this passage, the one willing to follow Him into the darkest and most dangerous of places, regardless of the consequences.

Is a life of faith supposed to be easy?  I would say no.  God is calling us to something much different than the usual life.  Our life is a journey, an adventure, a race.  

The story continues soon.

The Life Worth Dying For, Part 1

It is hard to watch any type of programming and not come across some type of tragedy. CNN, MSNBC, FOX, every local news station...they all lead off with the worst news. Another death, another fire, one more broken family, one more seemingly unexplainable selfish act.

We have to wonder....when does this get easier? Life starts out with a process known as "labor" and it ends with the cruel event of death and never seems to get easier along the way. Is it supposed to be easy?

If you listen to some of the God talk in our culture, it seems like it should be. Both high profile preachers and everyday believers seem to think the dominant message of the scriptures is one of God smoothing out the journey and removing obstacles from our path. Trouble is seen as proof of God wanting you to go in a different direction because God would not want us to struggle. If you do have issues, sickness, financial problems...well, then you just need more faith.

Is this the truth? I hear this message and it hurts my heart because I know far too many God fearing men and women who have experienced some pretty awful things. Is the problem a lack of faith? I don't believe so.

I think we are missing something that is essential to our journey. But what is it?

Hope Springs Eternal

You hear that saying often this time of year as baseball season starts as fans of all teams rejoice the beginning of a new year and the promise of a successful team. It is amazing to me how otherwise rational people can talk themselves into rooting for a team they believe has no chance....it just seems to me that people gravitate toward feeling this type of hope.

But do you have hope in more important areas of life? It is pretty easy to root for a team; even if they lose it doesn't truly affect those of us who watch.  We can have hope in small areas but we can live hopeless lives everywhere else.  Maybe you have given up on having hope in your life.  You have been hurt too deeply, or feel like you have fallen far too short of your own expectations.

Why do we think that hope is an auxiliary desire of the human heart?  Hope is essential!  It is what sustains us and motivates us.  Why should you have hope?  Here are three reasons:

1: God has forgiven my past.  The greatest need you ever had was satisfied because Jesus came and willfully gave his life for you.  This means you are treasured by God.  It also means you don't have to live in guilt or shame anymore.  Hope lives where despair used to thrive.

2:  God has a purpose for the present.  You don't have to wander through life anymore.  God has a mission for you, a task that only you can accomplish.  The path you take, the places you set your feet are for you and you alone.  Be hopeful because if you are alive God still has a purpose for you.

3.  God has prepared a home for me in heaven.  The greatest hope of them all is the hope for eternity.  One day we will be reunited with those we have lost and we will finally see Jesus.  Our faith will be fulfilled in that moment, and our hope realized.  Everything in your life should be preparing you for that moment.

Is it possible that you have given up on hope too soon?

Don't give up.  Hope springs eternal!

Back in Action

Spring break was fantastic, baseball was on TV every single day, and the weather has gotten consistently warmer.  All good things!  I am working on a post for this afternoon, and I will continue regular posting from here on out.  

Hopefully you will be here, too!

Self-image

We live in a world that focuses on the negatives in people instead of celebrating the positive. Many of you have such a negative self image that comes from the lies you have been told through your life. Maybe it was family, perhaps it was kids in school, maybe it is just a nagging voice in your our head that told you you were worthless.

It isn't true. You are valuable because God values you.

Real self esteem comes from knowing what God thinks about you. He came to make you different. He has made a way for you to be forgiven and then invites you to accept that forgiveness. And then he calls you to walk with him throughout your life.

God valued you so much he died to set you free, and that freedom includes escape from a negative self image. That comes from knowing who you are in the eyes of God.

50 Facts About Albert Pujols

1. Albert Pujols can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.... at night.
2. Albert Pujols can slam a revolving door.
3. "The World's Strongest Man Competition" has been renamed "The Albert Pujols Workout Hour."
4. During the running of the bulls, the people run away from the bulls. A little known fact is that the bulls are running from Albert Pujols.
5. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Albert Pujols out. It failed miserably.
6. When Albert Pujols sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Albert Pujols has not had to pay taxes, ever.
7. Albert Pujols can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
8. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Albert Pujols allows to live.
9. Albert Pujols can make 30 minute brownies in 17 minutes.
10. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Albert Pujols.
11. There is a saying that claims, "You can’t squeeze blood from a turnip." That is true, you can't. Unless of course you’re Albert Pujols.
12. Albert Pujols can teach old dogs new tricks.
13. When you go to see a game Albert Pujols is playing in, you have to buy 2 sets of tickets; one for the baseball game and another for the gun show.
14. There is no other intelligent life in the universe because intelligent life knows that would be far too close to Albert Pujols.
15. Albert Pujols will never test positive for steroids. Steroids test positive for Albert Pujols.
16. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Albert Pujols. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
17. It takes Albert Pujols 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
18. Albert Pujols counted to infinity....twice.
    
19. When Albert Pujols pushes the snooze button on his alarm clock, the sun actually stays down for another ten minutes.
20. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Albert Pujols.
21. Google won't search for Albert Pujols because it knows you don't find Albert Pujols, he finds you.
22. Albert Pujols can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
23. Albert Pujols destroyed the periodic table, because Albert Pujols only recognizes the element of surprise.
24. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Albert Pujols a giant meteor.
25. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Albert Pujols.
26. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs. Albert Pujols. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
27. The average pitcher can throw a baseball about 90 mph…Albert Pujols can throw the average pitcher 90 mph.
28. Albert Pujols was originally cast in the hit show 24, but had to be let go because he averaged saving the world in a mere 12 minutes and 47 seconds.
29. If you spell Albert Pujols wrong on Google it doesn't say "Did you mean Albert Pujols?" It simply replies "Run while you still have the chance."
30. Albert Pujols doesn’t play hide and seek; he plays HIDE AND PRAY HE DOESN”T FIND YOU!!!!
31. They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Albert Pujols killed the cat. Every single one of them.
32. Albert Pujols was bitten by a rattlesnake once. After five days of intense pain and suffering…the snake died.
33. Albert Pujols doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
34. Pujols once hit a home run on a hit by pitch.
35. Pujols is his own batting practice pitcher.
36. Pujols can play all three outfield positions. At the same time.
37. He did all the special effects in Transformers.
38. Pujols once hit a ground rule double on a ground ball hit to the shortstop.
39. When Albert Pujols does push-ups, he’s not pushing himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
40. Pujols does 500 push ups in between each inning. Then he works out a little bit.
41. It’s been shown that Albert Pujols doesn’t ever actually hit a baseball. The ball flies away in fear before his bat makes contact.
42. Albert Pujols can rip the NYC phone book in half. With one hand.
43. Someone once told Albert Pujols that if he shaved his legs, he’d be able to run faster. St. Louis is still experiencing a shortage of razors, and Albert Pujols still has hair on his legs.
44. Albert Pujols is currently under the impression that "Major League Baseball" is actually a slow-pitch softball league for his church.
45. Some kids wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears #5 Albert Pujols pajamas.
46. The Sherman tank was originally called the Pujols tank until Albert Pujols decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Albert Pujols, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been awesome enough to be named after Albert Pujols.
47. The original plans for the atomic bomb were inspired by watching Albert Pujols taking batting practice.
    
48. It is widely believed that Albert Pujols' tears cure cancer. This cannot be confirmed because Pujols has never cried.
49. Albert Pujols is the reason Waldo is hiding.
50. Faster than a speeding bullet? More powerful than a locomotive? Leaping tall buildings with a single bound? That is a description of Albert's warmup routine.
    

Things You Need to Know About Me

With baseball season approaching, like the previous post indicates, there are some things about me that all of need to know in order to fully understand the depth of my insanity.

First things first, a few introductions are in order.


This is Albert Pujols. He is an excellent baseball player, one of the very best playing right now. If he stays healthy and continues to produce at the level he has been the past 7 seasons, he may go down in history as one of the top 5 right handed hitters of all time. I love Albert Pujols, in a completely non-creepy way. My wife once asked me if I loved her more than Albert. I told her it wasn't a fair comparison, since I hadn't known her for nearly as long as I have known Albert. Don't judge me.

Moving on...


This is Colby Rasmus. I don't know Colby very well, but he represents a transition in my baseball fandom. You see, Colby is very young, even younger than me, and I am going to be paying to watch him play baseball during his career. Every fan makes this transition, when they stop looking up to athletes and instead become "mature" fans...whatever that means. Colby Rasmus is going to be a very good baseball player, and I am looking forward to watching him play this season.

You will hear me referring to these guys throughout the year, usually at random. Don't say I haven't warned you.